Alec Baldwin Breaks Up With Twitter


After a recent Twitter rant against a report who he called a “queen”, Alec Baldwin has given up on the social media site. He cites the death of friend James Gandolfini and the upcoming birth of his daughter as reasons for deleting his profile. Well, Alec, you’re going to have so much in common with your new baby, because little girls also pick fights on social media sites and delete their profiles when they don’t get their way.

New Documents Show Catholic Church Pay Offs


Recently release documents show that Milwaukee archdiocese has paid off victims of sexual abuse by priest over the past eight decades which has driven them into bankruptcy. The Catholic church has spent three billion dollars silencing victims and admits to missteps in handling incidents of sexual abuse. Missteps, you think? You basically gave a dog three billion dollars to repeatedly shit on the rug.

Demi Lovato Was a Suicidal Seven Year Old


In a recent interview, Demi Lovato admitted to being suicidal at age seven and credits children’s programming icon Barney for helping her through those tough times. Hey, I feel ya Demi. That transition from kindergarten to first grade is rough. I mean, one day you’re getting a cookie for coloring inside the lines, and the next, homework. But when I heard Barney sing, “I love you, you love me,” it was like somebody finally got me.

Gun Supporter Envokes MLK


While speaking at a gun show, Conservative pundit Dana Loesch said she was reminded of civil rights hero Martin Luther King Jr and hoped that gun owners would one day be judged by the strength of their character and not the content of their magazines. You know who I think would judge you by the content of your magazine, Martin Luther King Jr. Because he was shot to death.

Farrah Checks Into Rehab


Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham is entering a rehab facility after pleading guilty to a DUI last month. Abraham says she chose rehab because she wants to “make better choices and ensure I can recognize when I am putting myself in a bad situation next time”. Farrah, you’re the Teen Mom chick that did a porno, you’re whole thing is putting yourself in bad situations.

Kim Punks her Friends, Paula Continues to Flail, & Alec Baldwin Reminds Us He Can Be A Jerk


Kim Kardashian apparently sent fake pictures of her newborn baby to friends and is shocked to discover that one of the recipients tried to sell the photo to the media. The nerve of some people! If anyone is going to exploit little North West, it’s going to be her mother or grandmother or one of her aunts! The line’s long so get to the end of it traitor!

Paula Deen said in an interview with Matt Lauer that it “makes her skin crawl” to hear young black men call each other the N word. Well, I’m sorry Paula that you get the case of the sads when you hear others hear the forbidden word you long to call them.

Shortly after it was announced that the Supreme Court ruled DOMA unconstitutional, actress Kristen Bell proposed to boyfriend Dax Shepard, after saying she would not marry until gay marriage was legal nationwide, because that’s what so many have been fighting so long for, the right for Kristen Bell to marry her heterosexual baby daddy.

Martha Stewart recently admitted on Bravo’s “Watch What Happens Live” that she engages in sexting, threesomes, and previously discussed the art of rolling a joint with host Andy Cohen, thus concluding her one woman campaign to ruin sex and drugs for everyone else on Earth.

Alec Baldwin is on the defense after attacking a report via twitter who accused his wife of texting during James Gandolfini’s funeral. Baldwin called the reporter a “toxic little queen” and said he would like to “shove his foot up his ass” but worried the queen would like it too much. Oh, Alec, you may dress Manhattan but your Strong Island trashy roots always poke through.

Paris disses Justin, Paula Deen’s Southern Fried Racism, & Kim and Kayne Win the Bad Baby Name Olympics


Actor Charlie Sheen has reportedly threatened to quit his FX show Anger Management if co-star Selma Blair isn’t fired. Sheen is furious with Blair for telling crew members he has a poor work ethic. In a related incident, Sheen demanded a boom operator be fired for saying the sky is blue.

While in the hospital, Paris Jackson said she hates Justin Bieber and thinks he’s a poor role model for his fans. Yeah, he’s been famous, how long, and he hasn’t been accused of molesting one kid yet. What’s the deal Bieber?

Paula Deen was in court this week facing charges of creating a racially discriminatory workplace. Deen admitted to using the N word in the past, but swears she never referred to her workers that way and says she never used the word in a mean way. Oh, so you used one of the most hateful words in the English language but you meant it in a friendly way, ok!

In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Serena Williams questioned what the Stuebenville rape victim was doing getting so drunk. The tennis star has recently apologized for what she supposedly said but Rolling Stone stands by the quote, saying Williams was recorded for the interview. Translation: I’m sorry I offended people, but I didn’t think they would print the ignorant thing I said while being taped.

At a recent event for the Trevor Project, an organization providing suicide prevention support for LGBT youth, Jersey Shore star Snooki said she hopes her infant son Lorenzo grows up to be gay. Oh, Honey, with the amount of drunken Mommy crotch shots this kid has in his future, there’s no way he’s going to be into women.

House Majority Leader Mitch McConnell finds it absurd that democrats are against a bill allowing corporations the same rights as people. However, to be fair, Republicans are against half the human population from having rights, so it kind of evens out.

According to reports, Kanye West banned the Keeping Up With the Kardashians camera crew from the delivery room while girlfriend Kim Kardashian gave birth to their daughter. The only camera allowed belonged to Kim’s mother Kris who swears she will only share the footage with family. Oh, Kanye, you really don’t know the Kardashians very well. America is their family.
According to multiple reports, Kim Kardashian has named her newborn daughter North West. Oh, oh, Kim. That is going to get old quick, but, then again, so if this entire motherhood thing.

Rumor has it that the name North had been chosen after Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour told the couple she liked the name. Kim, Anna Wintour is not your friend. She wasn’t giving her blessing, she was punking you!
Those who grew up in the 90s might remember a children’s film called “North” about a kid who divorces his neglectful parents, making North West the first person to ever have her biopic made before she was born.